well as most of you know, samlin is now expecting a little baby bear come july. since i the honorary fairy-mother, i thought i'd lend my lengthy knowledge about kids to caitlin. and what better way to do that then by taking knowledge right from the super source of good parenting- movies! not only am i caitlin's best friend, i've been the world's best aunt for 8 years running, and i watch more movies then a zitty teen boy at cinedome.
life lessons on parenting from the big screen
the story of a girl who wants a baby who gets it from another girl. polar opposites become best friends.
caroline: is this chocolate or poop? chocolate or poop? [lick son's hand] it's chocolate!
kate: what if it had been poop?
lesson to learn: don't assume anything. and get used to poop. a whole lot of poop.
3 men and a baby
three best friends living together. one fathers child, the other two take care of it. the baby's mama eventually moves in with the dudes.
peter: babies. all they do is eat, sleep, and poop.
lesson to learn: it's nice to know what you are getting yourself into.
boy falls in love with his father's mistress who is pregnant with his step-brother.
childbirth instructor: you didn't get pregnant with our legs crossed!
lesson to learn: don't let the flame go out after the baby.
teenage girl gets knocked up, gives her baby up for adoption, and eventually falls for her baby's daddy.
juno: bren, when do i get that spinal tap thing?
bren: it's called a spinal block. and you can't have it yet, honey. the doctor said you're not dilated enough.
juno: you mean i have to wait for it to get worse? why can't they just give it to me now?
bren: well honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream...
lesson to learn: take the drugs. always take the drugs.
look who's talking
a former mistress finds her soul mate post-baby in the arms of a taxi driver.
mikey: [immediately after he's born] put me back in! put me back in!
lesson to learn: this is why babies cry. you took them from their warm, cushy, and pink life where everything was gooey and wonderful. how. dare. you.
father of the bride II
mother and daughter's egos are preggo at the same time and george banks goes crazy.
matty: how would you like to go through life with the name cooper banks-mackenzie? this kid's gonna sound like a law firm.
lesson to learn: don't pick a name lame for the future baby. it'll stick with them for-ev-ver [said in a tone like the fat kid from the sandlot]
an unhappy, pie-making wife has an affair with a doctor while pregnant. she leaves the husband once the baby is born, ditches her mister, and opens a pie shop.
jenna: Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness to it.
lesson to learn: love big. love fully. love often. never be afraid to love.
where the heart is
a teenage girl is abandoned and gives birth in a walmart. rebuilds a life and learns how to love.
lexie: this old gypsy woman once told me that if you jump backwards nine times before the sun come up you won't be pregnant. Well, I jumped so far I had to take a bus back and then I had twins.
lesson to learn: playing baby roulette is a risky game. losers end up losing for 18 years.
16 and pregnant & teen mom
16 and pregnant & teen mom
stupid girls have pre-marital sex with men who can barely tie their own shoelaces. they think the baby will fix their problems.
author unknown: it'll be like having a baby doll to dress up every day
author unknown: yeah but you can't prevent pregnancy
lesson to learn: get married when you're not a teen to the right man in the right place at the right time.
you know that girl caitlin tappana? ya, she's my bestest friend, the cheese to my fries, the banana to my shake, the mellow to my yellow. not only does she have the best hair [no matter the time of day] but she's also a fabulous runner, a wonderful cook, the funniest person i know, a great writer, and the bestest friend i have ever had. oh, and the world's best mama bear.