I just have to take a moment to brag about myself on this here blog of mine. I've been feeling down about myself and my image. I have been trying and trying to lose weight. I exercise like a maniac, I write down my food intake in My Fitness Pal, I try my hardest to stay within my calories (except on those darn weekends. I fail at those every time.) and, I am breast feeding, which is supposed to make you lose weight right? Well for me, it makes me 10X more famished, so naturally I eat more. Well, the scale hasn't been changing much, and the weight I do lose that takes so much of practically starving myself and working out really hard, seems to creep back on quickly in a moment of starved weakness when I just don't want to be careful anymore.
So, after feeling sorry for myself this weekend, I decided to go on a run Saturday. It was a warmer day, the air was clear, and there was that rainstorm smell coming in. So, I started to run. I ran, and I ran, and I kept running wondering when I was going to have to walk for a few minutes to catch my breath. It never came, until I had 5 more minutes left of my workout, but I pushed it. I ran those 5 minutes. I ran almost 3 miles straight. (my gps was waaay off. I later drove the route and it was like 2.9 miles. If I would have known that I would have kept running til I hit that 3 mile mark.) I don't know when the last time, if ever, I have been able to run that far without walking. I know 3 miles non-stop might not seem like that big of a deal to some of you, but to me it is. And it was fast for me too. I estimated my mile per minute to be about 10:30 maybe? I've never ran that fast.
So then it struck me. I may not be losing the weight I want as fast as I want, but I am at a really good personal fitness level, especially for having a baby that isn't quite 6 months old yet. It took me til Abby was at least a year to get to a point where I felt I was getting back into shape, and now my baby is 6 months and physically, I feel great.
I am thankful for my body. I am thankful for what it can do. I am thankful that it can have babies and I am equally thankful it can get back into shape. Maybe a day will come in my life where I will love the rolls too, knowing those partly come from growing a baby inside of me, (but mostly from the food inside me) but for now, I will keep exercising and trying to avoid overeating and someday, hopefully soon, I will completely love my body for what it is.
Wohoo! 10K here you go! I remember when I first had a moment like this, the power and joy that I felt. I thought to myself, "I. Am. A. Gosh. Dang. Runner!" Hahaha, and sometimes I tell myself that during a hard run and think back to that first moment when I felt like that it pushes me that much more.
ReplyDeleteAnd girl, give yourself some credit, you are trying! So many people don't even do that. And run 3 miles! So many people can't do that. And only 6 months after having a baby? Awesome! I bet some of your exhaustion is lack of sleep from those two beauties, so take some naps and some iron. You deserve it! More sleep help regulates your body too so the weight can come off easier too. Just preaching to the choir, but hoping to help.
Love you!!
You're so beautiful. I struggle with feeling down about where I'm at physically too. One day it hit me though, Satan tried to attacks us and our views on our body because he doesn't have one, and he never will. One of Heavenly Father's greatest gifts to us is this body. He just wants us to love and take care of it, not to hate it because it jiggles (guilty). I think it's awesome that you can run 3 miles straight. Last time I could do that I was 14.
ReplyDeletePs. I really do think you're so beautiful.
you are awesome!!! 3 miles non stop is ridiculously great!! so proud of you and how in shape you are- youre my inspiration!!
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people Kari is talking about. I hate running. I always have. I always will. I won't ever run because I hate it...and I'll probably always be curvy. But that's fine. I am active, I eat healthier than I use to, and I know that Heavenly Father created every single body differently. A lot of the girls that have husbands that go to school with Tim are itty bitty, skinny skinny, and I'm by far the curviest of them all. Sometimes I get super self conscience around them. But then I have to remind myself, that even at my fittest...I was never the size they are. Because Heavenly Father didn't make me that way...and that's fine.
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you! Someday, when I'm done having babies...I'll hopefully be motivated to loose some weight. That's my problem. I think to myself "I'm just going to be getting pregnant again, what's the point?". Who knows...it could very well be after this baby because I have no idea how the heck I'm going to manage being a mother of three and a med school widow! Ha! :)
I think you're beautiful. I always have. I always will. You are amazing. Thanks for your example!!